God, I love selling my soul.
As my friend Matt said, the market value of my soul has probably diminished with the number of times I’ve put it up for sale. In 2016, I put it all on the line for Snoop Dogg tickets during the DNC. Most recently, I tried using it as currency for Round 1, Game 3 tickets.
So what does owning a piece of my soul mean? My undying loyalty, tweets about why and how exactly I would die for you, graphics when you need them, and naming rights to my first-born. At this rate, we’re going all Esteban Julio Ricardo Montoya de la Rosa Ramírez with that kid. “For three monthly installments of $9.99, you, too, can become the blood of my blood for the rest of your life.”
So, where am I going with this? If anyone from the Sixers franchise is reading this right now, I will give you controlling shares of my soul if you bring back the Iverson era jerseys and color palette for a game or five.
The dark gold, silver, black, and bright red color palette is godsent for folks like me. You can match almost anything to it without having to try too hard. Also, Jimmy Butler looks really good in red and black, and I’d like him to do that with the Sixers instead of the Clippers.
Here’s a guide to the outfit I wore to the DC #SixersTwitter Round 2, Game 1 watch party.
Jerseys are expensive?? Like, very expensive. That’s why I purchase all of mine in child sizes. If you’re short like me, you can get a Youth XL Iverson jersey for $24 on eBay. You may want to throw it into the wash a few times, but it’s affordable and it looks good.
I topped it off with this metallic, floral blazer in gold and silver. You can get the Vedutta Blazer by Trina Turk from RentTheRunway.com. You can also do plain gold or plain silver. #bb9754 is the hex code for the dark gold if you need a good idea for matching purposes.
These bad boy jeans are ripped Celebrity Pink jeans that I bought at TJ Maxx. Since my weight constantly fluctuates by campaign cycles, I buy cheap jeans and just live in them. The boots are Michael Kors. I bought them in 2012 from Lord and Taylor’s. They’re black and gold, which makes them perfect for the #look.
The most important part of this look is the lipstick. We’re talking full-on bright red lipstick. For this, I started off with my usual Pat McGrath Venom 1 from the Lust 004 kit. I didn’t think it went nearly bright enough, so I topped it off with a layer of Pat’s “Elson,” which was a blue-red. I got Elson in this mini-pack of three colors for $25.
I’m on the hunt for the perfect match to #bb9754. Here are three palettes that I think can get the job done: Sultry by Anastasia Beverly Hills ($45), the original Naked palette by Urban Decay, and the Mario Palette by Anastasia Beverly Hills. Only the first one is still on sale, but you can get a very similar Naked Reloaded palette here for $44.
As for the rest: my Tarteist Pro Glow Highlight Contour Palette ($45) is my go-to for looks where I don’t want to go #crazywithit but I don’t want to look subtle either. I love attention so goddamn much. Four highlighter colors — all four look amazing in every light. Stunner is what I use on every high bone on my face to look skinnier and pretend my nose is small. They’re pigmented and they blend very easily so nothing looks awkward or patchy.
Since there’s already so much going on, I went with plain silver hoops. My Sixers Twitter friend @jnaddeo brought us ninja headbands to the Boundary Stone party — and it worked perfectly with the Iverson jersey. I’m wary of wearing it until my Sweet Disney Prince Mike Scott returns to the game. Until then, it’s cursed.
My Apple Watch doesn’t match… but it does do a good job making sure I’m still alive after these games. So, you might wanna wear one.
I just think it’s impossible for people to look ugly in these red and black jerseys. Let’s get wild, Sixers. Bring ‘em back for one night. Sell them on Fanatics. Michael Rubin can have my next paycheck. Do it for the culture.