Next to Sagittarius season, Halloweekend and GOTV week are the greatest respites from seasonal affective disorder szn.
For a brief, beautiful stretch of time, I feel truly alive. I don’t know if it’s because I can become whoever or whatever I want for a night and accumulate Twitter likes off it, or if it’s because of the second Red Bull I’ve had in two hours because, jeez, it’s the great midterm election, Charlie Brown. What a time to be alive.
I want to share some of that light with you. For your pleasure, here’s a set of a few Sixers costume concepts and a basic idea of how you could go about achieving them. Next week, I’ll cap off with a step-by-step tutorial on creating a Sexy Burnergate costume.
Joel Hans Embiid is the lifeblood of the Sixers. He’s our hope. Our light. Our chosen one. He’s not just the fruits of the Process, he is The Process.
I’d argue that his most iconic look from this year was the protective mask he wore during the playoffs. The mask became a symbol for the entire city’s passion, motivation, frustration, and perseverance. It gave us hope for the future. Here’s how you can tackle this look:
- Joel Embiid jersey or shirsey: Fanatics, Ebay, your buddy writing for Liberty Ballers, your local sporting goods store — point is, it’s gonna be pretty ubiquitous.
- Black Mask: Amazon, Party City, AC Moore’s, and Michael’s all have simple and cheap black masquerade masks. They’ll serve the purpose very well.
- Matching Blue Shorts: Basketball shorts, Soffees, vinyl hot pants if you’re going for the sexy look, whatever. They’re easy to find.** Extra Credit ** Blue Tights???
** Extra Extra Credit ** I’m all about carrying cardboard cutouts for Halloween. If you really want to go all in, make a cutout of Aron Baynes getting owned.
For your convenience, I’ve removed the background from this picture of Embiid destroying the heart and soul of Baynes. Download this and then visit BlockPosters.com. Print the papers out. Cut around Baynes. Buy two pieces of white poster board or cardboard and tape them together. Assemble the parts of the picture you cut out on top of the poster board. Glue them down, then cut him out again. Take it to parties and place him on the couch next to yours.
Joel Embiid Holding a Lion
This is simple. Grab a white t-shirt from your closet, find some tan slacks(? Was it slacks?), and buy a stuffed lion off the internet. Carry it around and smirk as the rest of us are reminded of the terror we felt when we saw the little shit bite Joel.
Phantom of the Process:
Two ways to do this.
You can copy the actual outfit. That means getting a black graphic t-shirt, black pants, and a patterned jacket. Your best bet would be to hit up a Buffalo Exchange or some other thrift store to find a similar color If you don’t succeed, keep going. Thrift stores add new stuff every day. Then, buy a white Phantom of the Opera mask.
The other way is to simply throw on an Embiid jersey, black pants, and adding a Phantom mask and cloak to it.
Mona Lisa Ben:
I don’t know the actual logistics of pulling this one off, but I hope someone tries. Google is showing me that Mona Lisa costumes actually exist. Why don’t you grab one, draw on or glue on a kangaroo necklace to it, and use some costume makeup to add Ben’s beard to your face. Your friends may not love you, but r/NBA and the creators of Game of Zones will.
Rookie of the Year Ben Simmons:
If you don’t want to put that much effort into a costume, but still want validation from Sixers Twitter, try this: get this Rookie of the Year Definition shirt from StepoverStore.com and a kangaroo necklace from Etsy.com. Use costume makeup to add Ben’s beard. Or grow it, if you can.
Lord Robert Covington:
If you want to channel the energy of elite defender and king of our collective hearts, Lord Robert Covington, get a Covington 33 jersey or shirsey. Then hit up Party City, Walmart, Amazon, or any of the Halloween stores to get a king/queen’s robes and crown. Get a shield, sharpie “All-Defensive 1st Team,” and then go shoot your shot and deflect the haters all night, baby.
This is something a lot of Sixers fans have tried and successfully executed before. A real simple way to go is pairing a Dario jersey and a Super Mario costume. If you already have denim overalls, wear those and get a Mario Accessories kit. Or take a red cap and hot glue a white felt circle and red felt “D” to it. You will easily be the most beloved person at the party.
I know many of y’all have done it better, so if you’re reading this and have some tips, throw ‘em in the comment.
Brett Brown & Liberty Bell:
For Brett, you need a suit, tie that’s kinda disheveled, a button up, and pure zaddy vibes. If you want “Sexy Brett Brown,” do a blazer, matching hot pants, with a button up shirt underneath. Use a black sharpie to draw a speech bubble, write “ring that bell, brotha,” cut it out, and glue a popsicle stick to the back. Carry that and a toy gavel all night. Extra credit? Spray paint your hair grey.
For the Liberty Bell look, here’s a site with various options — comes in a super cute dress, shirt, hoodie. Go be super cute and give me couple goals.
Markelle Fultz and Drew Hanlen:
For Markelle, #20 Fultz jersey with a dorky white t-shirt underneath. As for Hanlen, go buy a cheap black t-shirt from a craft store and write “Pure Sweat” with sharpie or white puffer paint. Get shorts with pockets. Keep your cell phone in that pocket all night. Carry a basketball.
Sexy Franklin/Mean Girls crossover:
Hear me out — what if we take Karen Smith’s iconic “I’m a mouse, duh” and go full on “I’m the mascot of the Philadelphia 76ers, duh?” with it. How, you ask? Simple.
Get a blue nightie or a body con dress. I would buy a white sash, tie it around, and clip on this Sixers hair bow to the middle. The other option is to just wear a jersey over it! Buy some animal ears from a Halloween store and spray paint the back of the ears blue. Get blue leg warmers. Find a good animal makeup tutorial. You, my friend, are perfection.
** UPDATED: my dumbass thought franklin was a weird looking rabbit this whole time **
Star Hunting Brett Brown:
This one’s hard. You can take so many routes. Camo hunter costume with a telescope instead of a gun? Hmm. I’m kinda stumped for once.
Let me know what you think in the comments — or if you’ve got any other ideas. Or, I guess you could also tweet at me. I live off validation.
With all of my love,